nevermind

had to change back to simple simple formatting because despite my obvious expertise with html i wasnt able to stop the dangling vines from obscuring my text. *shakes fist* meddling vines!
seriously though, that was a pretty background. why are all blogger templates so robotic and ugly. i want something simple and classic and natural.
so i went with this neon orange/pink combo.
for now.
the hunt continues.
and dont worry i'm well aware that im spending more time thinking about my background than i am writing a damn word on this thing.
its kind of like how i refuse to write a poem but went out and bought paint canvas and brushes the other day. and all i want to do is glop the paint on the the canvas and moosh it around like a baby.
im totally incapable of producing anything these days. even new love. especially new love, which requires the energy of a thousand poems just to generate that first spark. but im drained.
and that is why i broke up with The Girl.
i still cant believe how it happened. a walk, a talk, an equation involving my ability to give love, her need for my love, and a big equals sign followed by zero relationship.
extremely rational, dare i say, professional.
just that alone is probably a good indication of why it needed to end. i'm used to blood sweat and tears all the way to the finish line.
but i've been in her shoes and i know how much it hurts. no matter how much i buffered the fall by taking it on me, blaming my crazy confused heart, thanking her for all she gave and taught me, wishing things could be different, promising friendship.
we will be friends. we are allready talking. and i've allready regretted doing it but i can tell that will pass. i'm kind of, hmm, broken? and i cant tell how or where when i'm using a human as a crutch. not to mention how much more she deserves then that kind of bullshit.
but why am i so tired? so deeply, vacantly tired?
heres the conversation that just happened in my office:
D:
i'm exhausted. totally depleted. i dont even know the word--
V:
catatonic.
D:
yes. its like someone removed part of my brain like a--
V:
lobotomy.
D:
yes. but stop it. youre making whats left of my brain hurt.
V:
headache.
D:
if i could stand up i would kill you.